Most of us are looking for a partner for life. But the divorce rate shows that this is not always possible. Therefore, the question inevitably arises: What is the secret of the perfect relationship and what is important in a partnership? I would like to show you my very personal perspective on a happy, long-term marriage. I will also explain the different phases of a relationship to you.
The perfect relationship – what’s the secret?
Whose heart doesn’t it soften when you see an old couple strolling through the streets holding hands? That is exactly what most of us want for ourselves. A partner whom we love from the bottom of our hearts, but who we are just as loved by. A person you can rely on, who stands behind you and has your back.
Like everything in life, you don’t get that for free, you have to work long, hard and continuously on it. But what is actually important in a partnership?
What is important in a partnership?
This question can hardly be answered generally, because everyone has different priorities and accordingly different things are important. But nevertheless I would like to give you a little insight into what is important to me personally in a partnership and, in my opinion, also the secret of a good relationship or marriage:
- Security and trust
In my opinion, one of the most important things in a partnership is mutual, blind trust and the feeling of security. I have to be able to rely on my partner and feel safe. If I have to constantly fear that he could cheat on me or that he is simply not there for me, then that would be like poison. That’s why I definitely work on a trusting relationship, because that’s half the battle.
- Being best friends
As strange as it sounds, I believe the secret to a good relationship is good friendship, not with someone else, but with your loved one. I can tell my husband everything, have fun with him, tease him, but also have serious conversations. For me he is a partner and best friend in one, which enriches life together tremendously.
Another important thing in a relationship is communication. You just have to talk to each other, about everything. Nothing is worse than eating something into yourself and dragging it around with you for a long time or not being able to discuss your own wishes with your partner. If something bothers you, say it, talk about problems together, and work on solutions.
- Common Direction
Almost nothing is such a relationship killer as the different directions in which you can develop. Because when the ideas about life, the wishes and dreams are no longer compatible, then it becomes difficult. Therefore, pay attention to what you want for the future and develop common goals and plans, because that also welds together.
Even if that sounds strange at first, after all, it’s about what we have in common in a partnership, but your own freedom is at least as important. Everyone needs space to develop personally and to be able to live out. If this personal space is restricted or even completely destroyed, one quickly feels locked in and oppressed, which will inevitably lead to an escape. Therefore, it is essential that you give your partner enough space, but also challenge him for yourself. This ultimately benefits not only you but your relationship as well.
Personally, I expect my partner to be honest with me, whether it’s pleasant or uncomfortable. Games are sooner or later the death of any relationship. Therefore be honest, do not play and do not pretend.
Last but not least, an important point for me is humor. If you have the same thing and can laugh about the same things, then that also connects. Therefore, do not take yourself and your partner too seriously, laugh together and ensure sunshine in your partnership.
Everything doesn’t always go smoothly and we make one or two mistakes. The secret to a perfect relationship is not always to throw in the gun right away, but also to forgive, make up again and ask yourself whether it was really so bad that there is only one way to go.
In addition to what is important in a partnership, there are of course also the different phases of a relationship. Each is a challenge in itself, but read for yourself.
Phases of a relationship
You can divide a relationship into different phases. It is not specified exactly how long each will take, but the development is actually always the same. When reading through you will surely notice which one you are currently in.
The phases of a relationship are:
|The infatuation phase|
, the first phase is the honeymoon period. We have all reached this one time. It tingles in your stomach, your knees become weak and you can’t keep your fingers apart. This is certainly the most exciting time in a relationship.
The phase of being in love is important for the later relationship, because here you grow together and create a basis for everything that is to come.
These rose-colored glasses usually disappear after 3-18 months, which always means the end of the relationship. Because many mistake the disappearance of butterflies for the absence of love and feelings. Unfortunately, it is often forgotten that true love comes much later and has to develop over time.
|The rose-colored glasses fade|
The second stage is when the rose-colored glasses fade. While one would describe everything as perfect in the phase of being in love and not discover any mistakes in the other, this is now changing. The first things that bother us about our partner are noticed. The similarities fade into the background and it is the differences that catch our eye in this phase of the relationship.
Unfortunately, this is also the phase in which many couples split up. This is basically a shame, because love has to grow and then has nothing to do with the tingling feeling at the beginning. Only after three to four years can you really determine whether the relationship has existed or it is better to break up.
The third phase is the so-called combat phase, because this contrasts to be fought. Anyone who thought that the worst was behind them with the second phase of the relationship will be taught better. Because in the third phase it will be turbulent again. Often people think about whether it should be better to part and nobody wants to give in. Struggles for power and turf follow and everyone wants the last word.
At this stage, most likely think that they have made the wrong choice and that you just don’t harmonize with your partner. But wait, the big reward comes after this very important phase of the relationship.
Because we learn to accept the other with their strengths and weaknesses and also to love them.
|I, you, we|
The fourth phase is about the I, you and us. The phase of power struggles is over and you now know what you have in others and can concentrate on personal, but also common development as a couple. If there was only one we before, then the I and you develop again in this phase. It is important to ensure that you do not look too far away from each other, but look in the same direction.
The challenge here is to achieve a balance between the I, you and we. An important development phase in which you get closer and discover completely new sides to your counterpart.
phase The fifth phase is then the familiar relationship phase, which is also the most beautiful. Because all battles have been fought and we have already gone through highs and lows together. You argued and made up, you have shared experiences that you can look back on and everyone can be who they are.
Unfortunately, fewer and fewer couples achieve what I consider to be the most beautiful phase of the relationship. Of course it’s not really exciting anymore and you don’t have any butterflies in your stomach either. In return, however, a deep connection, a feeling of security and familiarity, which is worth much more than the exciting part of the relationship phase.
Nothing is better than going through ups and downs with someone by your side, trusting and simply being one, but you have to do something for that. Because the greatest secret of the perfect relationship is that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are arguments everywhere and in every partnership there are good and bad times.
Is my marriage perfect?
Now you might ask yourself what my relationship status is like when I give such tips? I’ve been married for eight years and have been with my husband for nine years. It’s my longest relationship so far, where I’ve learned a lot and am still learning. My husband is my partner and best friend at the same time. We have no secrets from each other, we can laugh together, but we can also be serious. Of course we also argue sometimes, but that’s just as much a part of it as the subsequent reconciliation.
For me, my marriage is perfect because we harmonize and can always rely on one another. We also endure each other 24/7, which is definitely something special.
Even with my tips for a perfect relationship, I cannot guarantee that it will work for you too. But maybe it will help you to look at your own partnership from a different perspective or to recognize and overcome any hurdles.
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